nut hugger
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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