I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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