Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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