i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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