my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
