Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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