I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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