You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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