He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
