take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
