if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
