This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
