this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
