I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
