What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
