Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
