after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
