Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
