were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize