She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
