dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
