If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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