I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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