Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
