It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
do nipples grow back?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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