he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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