I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
