I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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