well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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