I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
