the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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