i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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