Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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