I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
