I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
