Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
