I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
