If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
