The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
