its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
