They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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