OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
