Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
