Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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