who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
