She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
