Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
