I'm going to jail i love you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
