some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
