I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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