Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
