Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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