a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
