I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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