things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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