My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
