i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
