WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
