I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
