I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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