my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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