I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
