I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
