This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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