the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
