i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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