I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
