I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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