My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize