she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
