I can tuck mytits in my pants
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
