My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
