Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
a search helicopter?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
