I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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