Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize