Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
