dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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