I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
